I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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