you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
