Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
