Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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