You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
