But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
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I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have already put on my inside pants.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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