I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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