plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
