gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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