I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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