i think i have two assholes
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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