textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize