just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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