Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize