Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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