I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
