I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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