you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
