he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
