Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
