you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.