Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids