He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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