What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.