I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!