if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
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Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
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But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.