Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
