Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
