I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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