I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
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We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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