I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
