it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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