My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
