I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
