You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
