I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
