if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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