It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
