Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
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its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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