ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
