i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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