Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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