i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
