I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
