Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
