that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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