I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I had to cum in my sink.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
