it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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