they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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