I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
