I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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