M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
