the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My vagina is officially offended.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
