Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
