I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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