Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
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She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
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I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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