you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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