South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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