I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
