Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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